Although designers write headlines for stories, I am responsible for headlines that appear on my Chalkboard blog entries. Here are some of my better headlines:
“They’re off to see the Wiz” – It isn’t too often you’ll encounter college students on campus before 8 a.m. So when I spotted a line of several hundred students stretching through a building, out the door and into the parking, I was astonished. It turns out they were camped out waiting for Wiz Khalifa tickets, hoping to score floor seats for a campus concert.
“A tent for the 1 percent” – The Ritz-Carlton Golf Resort in Naples opened its new Grand Lawn Pavilion, a fully air-conditioned tent that seats 1,200 and featured linen-draped walls, advanced sound and lighting systems, full floor carpeting, six chandeliers, high-speed Internet, air conditioning, flat-screen television monitors and a harp.
“Majoring in who knows what” – College is expensive these days, and most students don’t want to waste their time taking classes if it doesn’t apply to their major. But a breakdown of degree program enrollment at one university revealed an unlikely top choice. There were more students majoring in “undecided” than any other degree.
“Thou shalt not say should” – Board of trustee meetings can get monotonous, especially when members agree on everything. One session drew considerable discord, though, as trustees spent a good half-hour debating the use of “shall” versus “should.” One, some argued, was a directive, while the other was merely a suggestion. They went with “shall.”
“Doughnuts are not office supplies” – While combing through an otherwise ordinary construction audit, I stumbled across one finding. Florida law prohibits public funds from being spent on food, so a contractor opted to categorize pastries, pretzels and potato chips as office supplies. Nope, they got caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
“Beige suits Bradshaw just fine” – A university president is photographed hundreds of time each year, and those images appear in newspapers, magazines and online. But three pictures inside one brochure, all taken at different times, showed Wilson Bradshaw in the same suit jacket. “It appears that I have only one jacket in my wardrobe,” he joked. “I would have worn it today, but it’s at the cleaners.”
“Some Edison students want their butts on campus” – A nationwide push to ban smoking on college campuses hit Edison State students by surprise. Smokers were being told to leave college property to light up, or give up smoking altogether for health reasons. Students began a petition that simply asked administration to butt out.
“The Fox(4) and the Hound(ing)” – I don’t often report on other media, but it’s not every day that television reporters address the school board during public meetings or administration calls the police on news crews. Fox4 aired nightly reports admonishing school officials and policies, but the inaccuracy of many reports had school leaders fuming.
“Mom, I’m 18. Can I have Fruit Roll-Ups?” – A rite of passage for all incoming college freshman is one final trip to the store before mom and dad leave campus. I observed one student tugging at her mom, pleading for a snack. “Can I have Fruit Roll-Ups?” she asked. “You never let me have them when I was a kid.” Sorry, mom still said no.
Dave Breitenstein 